My Big Gay Podcast
My Big Gay Podcast (now on its 6th Season!) is an LGBTQ+ comedy podcast looking at Gay Life in London and beyond hosted by Benji and Brad. Follow the lives, loves and lols of two single gay men in their 30s trying to have a career and find romance in the city. Recently awarded TOP 3 LGBTQ+ podcast in the UK, and TOP 20 comedy podcast worldwode, My Big Gay Podcast is packed with celebrity interviews, games, competitions, listener stories and all the hilarity that follows Benji and Brad. My Big Gay Podcast has been quoted as ‘like Bridget Jones’s Diary meets Sex and the City … but the gay version’. If you want to play along or get in touch then head over to our instagram or twitter: @BigGayPodcast or website www.MyBigGayPodcast.com
My Big Gay Podcast
S6. Ep 2. Two Gays and the Brat Summer
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Season 6: Episode 2. Benji and Brad discuss their summer holiday plans including what it is like going away as a queer person on a family holiday. Ever wondered what it’s like to date a brat? Benji and Brad dive into the world of "Brat Summer," exploring how childish and self-centered behavior is changing the dating game. Plus, Benji shares a cautionary tale about a friend's overzealous use of Viagra and the stigma surrounding sexual performance. From laughs to lessons, this episode has it all, making it one you won't want to miss!
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Hello and welcome to my big gay podcast with me, benji Brad giving you the life, the loves and lols of living in London.
Speaker 1:You really got into that, didn't you? I did, yes, all the L's. You know it gets me going Loser.
Speaker 2:Two gays, one city. What could possibly go?
Speaker 1:wrong. She's feeling a bit hyperactive today.
Speaker 2:I know it's all those Red Bulls from last week.
Speaker 1:Just kicking in now hyperactive today. I know it's all those red bulls from last week just kicking in now, but I am so loving the summer weather right now. Yeah, I'm feeling the summer vibes I've in my mind.
Speaker 2:Today we're on summer holidays and here we are in a very dark, air-conditioned studio, actually podcasters. We've got a little bit more moody this week and we've turned a lot of the lights off and we've just left a couple of lights on it's giving, it's giving chill out.
Speaker 1:The last person I want to be at a chill out with is you.
Speaker 2:No offense, I'm just I'm just trickling the story for later the podcast, because I've seen the notes from our producer for today and I'm intrigued to know where this is going, where the chill out's going.
Speaker 1:But before we go into chill outs, let's just talk about summer for a second. Just whilst I'm in this summer holiday vibe, I have booked a holiday for next year Summer holiday. I can't wait and I just want to tell you all about it. You just want and it's so hard, you're going to be so jealous you get my face handy and you rub my face in it. Now I've treated myself. I'm going to LA next summer on daddy's credit card on daddy's credit card oh my goodness, that's great.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm so excited. I've never, ever been in my whole life, wow.
Speaker 2:I've never been either, so I don't know how to come back to that, but I obviously a lot of. I was so weird. You should say that I was supposed to be there last week to help one of my friends who was there working at LA DragCon, but I've never actually been. I think I'd be a bit scared to go there personally.
Speaker 1:LA. Yeah, everyone is like muscular six foot tanned and here I am ginger not long enough, ready to burn in the LA sun.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do go pink, I do go lovely brown colour after a while. But yeah, I don't really know all that much about LA other than, obviously, the celeb glam side of it. But I'd be very interested to hear how it is.
Speaker 1:Well, it's all Hollywood and movies. You go to all the movie studios. Now, I'm really into movies. I don't know if you are as well Porn. You're into the porn films. No, you are.
Speaker 2:Actually I don't really watch porn that much, do I? No, I know. This is why I brought it out. I find that so baffling. No judgment, yeah, but just for someone who's had.
Speaker 1:You know the lifestyle you've had, that you just, yeah, you don't watch porn. Yeah, I just, obviously I have watched porn. I know exactly what it's all about and I've seen it once.
Speaker 2:I've seen it once.
Speaker 1:I wasn't that into it I think in my early 20s I I think obviously it was new and I was like, oh my god, logging on to all the things Cinehole in black and white wind up film. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, I just I don't know my kind of sort of hit in my 30s for me just doesn't really do it as much. I think it's all a little bit fake and I personally prefer remembering romantic experiences that I've had, oh god I was sick it's because you're very vanilla.
Speaker 2:I think porn for a lot of people is like exploration into, like kinks and new, new things and you're very much like we always say like shower, lights off under the duvet absolutely.
Speaker 1:I'm very happy. Quick five minutes and back to my book.
Speaker 2:I'm totally happy with that oh my god, we've got our topic anyway. La, yeah, that sounds really cool yeah, really excited.
Speaker 1:And not just LA, I'm also going to San Francisco as well. Got like a it was like an in-town flight, whatever it's called like a little mini flight to go to San Francisco for a few days, which is obviously one of like the the gayest places to go in America. So very excited to obviously report back on that too. And then obviously LA Hollywood.
Speaker 2:Sorry, just quickly how much does he get paid to do this podcast and how has he finally got all this money?
Speaker 1:to fly around the world.
Speaker 2:I can't be doing this. I'm very jealous.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've been super lucky. I'm not really going on holiday this year because I'm doing a big holiday next year. I was like, fine, I will obviously save my pennies.
Speaker 2:Well, I don your face in it, but I am going on a holiday this year. Where are you going? I am going to the middle of the arse end of france slightly south of france, but not okay, so france is nice not south, not to actually say I'm going south of france, but I'm going to france and traveling south um with my entire family kids, grandkids, all of that, yeah, nieces, my brother's, sister's kids, yeah, the grandkids. I've got an uncle coming, mum dad, literally the full shebang. Wow, we've got three jeets.
Speaker 2:I don't know what that is a jeet yeah, it's like a, like a big house farmhouse oh, is that, what a jeet yeah, I've never heard of that. A farmhouse, yeah, three jeets all connected together, so there's no space. We're all just going to be living on top of each other. No, that's not true. Like it's, it's literally in the middle of nowhere. We've got fields and fields and fields these three sheets. Right in the middle, we've got a pool and whatnot.
Speaker 1:But, um, yeah, I don't know how I'm gonna escape for any hookups yeah, I was gonna say how do you feel about going on a family holiday? Do you like them? My family no, I know you like your family, but like a family holiday, that's quite a lot, isn't it?
Speaker 2:I haven't done this larger family holiday ever.
Speaker 1:Oh really.
Speaker 2:With brothers and sisters whilst they've been married. We did family holidays as a kid, like we did Disneyland, skiing, that kind of thing. I don't remember them that much because I was much younger and then last year no, two years ago I went to Disney, but it wasn't again, it wasn't a full family.
Speaker 2:This is literally everybody, wow, literally everybody. And when they said we're going to do it, my dad's doing it for his 70th, so there wasn't really any way I could decline. But I was like, okay, if I'm coming and everyone's bringing their spouses and children, I'm bringing the damn dog, I'm bringing my dog. And my dad was like, okay, cute, yeah, so Ned's coming with me. Do you know how much it has cost me to bring Ned to France?
Speaker 1:I don't know how much.
Speaker 2:About £500. That's just for the medical passport, because since bloody Brexit you have to get all this like health certificates to get them in and out of the country. It's an absolute nightmare. But I mean I'm not going to bore people with that. But yeah, so he's coming. He's cost more than me.
Speaker 1:I think that's really nice that you get to do that with your family, though, because obviously we know some people in the queer community. They come out as queer and their families just reject them, don't they disown them?
Speaker 2:it's so true. I mean I have got it good. I mean I didn't actually talk about my gay lifestyle at all. Did they ever ask? No, never, never, ever, ever, like now, and then, at like very inappropriate moments like New Year's eve or christmas eve, I might get like a comment like are you dating anybody? To which I'll say no, and then I'll, you know, have to go to bed on new year's eve remembering I'm going there uh, going to bed alone, um, but it never really comes up.
Speaker 2:But equally, my nephews and nieces don't say, like, do you have a girlfriend, or do you ever want to have a wife, or are you ever going to get married? Like I never, I never have any of that. I don't want to say pressures, but when I was growing up I remember a lot of people would be like, oh, they're going to get a girlfriend soon if they were a guy.
Speaker 2:And just, you know, making out if they're going to obviously live this heterosexual lifestyle. Blah, blah, blah. So I don't get that pressure from the younger generation, which I super, super grateful for. Did they know you're gay? Your nieces and nephews? It's never a conversation we've had. I don't. I aren't being 100 honest with you. I don't know, literally I don't know. With my niece, who's now 16, who I'm incredibly close with.
Speaker 1:She knows that I like to dress up as a pup, get the dog mask out?
Speaker 2:no, she does not know that and she never will know that um, she knows, I like to dress a certain way, like quite fabulously. Sometimes I like to make an effort with my appearance.
Speaker 1:I dress up fabulously.
Speaker 2:Are you denying that I dress fabulously?
Speaker 1:No, but what a way to say it. How do you?
Speaker 2:want me to say it I dress like a fucking superstar.
Speaker 1:Okay, and my niece, she knows it.
Speaker 2:I dress the house down, boots up no, but she does know it and I wear like big glasses and you know she'll see something on TV and she'll be like Uncle Ben would look great in that and it could be like it could be Billy Porter wearing the most loud suit.
Speaker 1:And she'd be like you look great in that. It could be Borat wearing his only one thong. Ain't nobody looking there?
Speaker 2:Listen, I'm making jokes, mate, I am fully joking. So I wonder if she does know. But I also wonder, with them growing up, if it's really like, if there's any weight in it for them, if they even need to know or bring it up, I don't know if they care.
Speaker 1:I do think it's a different generation now Fully.
Speaker 2:And obviously she's 16 and my youngest niece is 6th she's roughly that age. And then I've got a nephew in between who's about to turn 13, and none of them have ever like referenced gay, straight husbands, wives, I mean. When I was younger I had to take boyfriends home to meet my oldest niece. So I'm trying to be confusing. I don't really want to give their names out, but um, and so she will have met inverted commas my friend who was my boyfriend. Whether or not she knew who's my boyfriend or not, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I have no idea. And were they introduced as your friend Like, oh, this is Benji's friend, so-and-so? Or did your mum and dad be like, oh, this is Benji's boyfriend.
Speaker 2:They definitely would have said boyfriend, because my mum still to this day would be like if I there are people at home that'd be like that's homophobic. That's really horrible, but there's really no malice involved. I know it's not correct, I know it's not being as open and as freeing and honest as maybe as much as I should be, and they're not necessarily fully embracing who I am, but it's so much better than it used to be, like I've said, before I come from very religious family, so don't need to go down that route.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I think I'm actually really happy with it being an unspoken thing, because I feel like that keeps me very neutral yeah, so that come the day, if I do get married, if I do, if I do ever get a boyfriend, wipe away the tear, um, and if they ever do, or if, even if they come out themselves, if they come to me and ask me questions, I don't want it to be a shock. I don't want them to feel any embarrassment about the conversation. I want it to be the quickest conversation possible, like if they were like uncle ben, do you date men or women? I'd be like men done, yeah, literally done. No way. If they want to come to me and be like, oh, I'm really questioning my sexuality, or like what was that like? Of course I will talk about it, but I don't feel like it needs to.
Speaker 1:Personally, I don't feel like I need to give it too much weight yeah, you know, and that works for you, and that's great, that's lovely, and the thing is, you're still doing family things all together, which is amazing, right, yeah, it's, it's, you're part of the family. You haven't been ostracized, or I?
Speaker 2:mean, I don't live there anymore. I live, you know, 300 miles away in london, in london and they live in the channel islands. Um, so there is a part of my life that they just don't really know about, but I don't. I don't feel like I need to share it with them. It's just not the relationship I have with them, yeah, and I think for me and my circumstances it works so fine. They know I work with drag queens. They know I produce drag. They know I live this sort of more fabulous lifestyle.
Speaker 2:And they know they could ask me about it if they wanted to. We have heated discussions about certain things. Heated, yeah, quite heated. But you know, sometimes an argument is healthy, right.
Speaker 1:We really went off topic there, didn't we? We did On my note here.
Speaker 2:I've got Benji talk about brat summer, which is what I really wanted to talk about xex, the channel xex, and here we are not talking about that at all. Have you heard about brat summer?
Speaker 1:uh, yeah, it's the single or the album it's kind of her album.
Speaker 2:What is her album? Uh, she just released all these songs, right, but, and I love the music. In fact, music at the moment, I feel, has done a big shift. I think we've gone back to like a really good pop era. I feel like we'd moved away from it a little bit and now we've kind of gone back.
Speaker 1:Because we've had, obviously, a new album from Ariana this year. We've had the Beyonce country album out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean that's not pop, but yeah.
Speaker 1:No, no, but it's still, you know, queer icon Beyonce.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like Ariana kind Rihanna kind of started the movement. Katy Perry's come back with an absolutely like a really good bop. Jade Thirlwall's just come out with her new track, which is amazing. But yeah, charli XCX has done Brat Summer and just all the songs are very I don't know. I feel like it's made. It's kind of like made this movement in younger generations where they're just happy to be a brat.
Speaker 1:Yes, you were saying about this Twinks being a bit brat-ish.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know why I'm always on this podcast talking negatively about twinks. I feel like I need to talk to somebody about why this always comes up. But yeah, it has come up a lot in conversation where people will be like they'll just say something randomly like oh sorry, and then they'll go actually, no, I'm not sorry, because I'm living my brat summer. Ew, yeah, it is. I don't know. But here's my question to you how would you define a brat?
Speaker 1:Oh, someone who's maybe a little bit childish, a bit selfish, wants things their own way and it's like I'm the center of the universe and it's all about me.
Speaker 2:So the thing is, I think you're really ahead of your time because, as much as everyone is living their brat summer now, I think you've been living brat summer for, I would say, at least 20 years.
Speaker 1:You've heard it here first guys, I'm the. Og brat.
Speaker 2:You are the old brat, yeah, the old gay brat. Yeah, and the main reason I wanted to talk about Brat Summer is I was recently, I want to say dating someone, but we actually only went on two, if not three dates.
Speaker 1:My first question always is how did you meet? Because obviously last episode we were talking about the different dating apps and some of the toxic traits that they come with, etc. Etc. So what was the app of choice? Or was it an app? Was it real life?
Speaker 2:No, it was an app. I think it was Tinder. Tinder. It definitely wasn't Grindr. It was either Tinder or Hinge. I'm pretty sure it was Tinder. We'll go for Tinder Met on there, chat chat. Like I said, I don't like awkward walls and breaking the ice just very quickly like let's just get straight into it yeah, because it's not going to work. It's better to find out now.
Speaker 1:I always used to play this game when I was on the dating scene um where you do quick fire questions yeah so I might ask you like um, beyonce or Ariana, and you have to answer quick. I'm just like fire loads out. You've got to give me your first answer.
Speaker 2:I have done that before. Like you can ask me anything six questions, they can be absolutely anything. I have done that before. Like you can ask me anything, six questions, they can be absolutely anything. I have to answer them, yeah, but you do one each. That is kind of a good an icebreaker, I guess.
Speaker 1:And you can ask like silly questions as well, like test their banter and just kind of see what they might reply. If they reply with a funny answer, you're like oh, want in a guy yeah, well, this was kind of like that it was going really good great love that very compatible blah blah.
Speaker 2:We met a couple times, all great. I then went away for a little while and then a few weeks ago he was like oh my goodness, have you listened to the new charlie xx album? Uh, I'm definitely gonna start embracing my brat-ness in my brat summer era now can I just say that is not a nice quality.
Speaker 1:I don't think.
Speaker 2:If someone said I'm gonna be a brat inspired by charlie xcx's album, yeah, I don't want to date a brat I know I did think that, like maybe amongst your friends, like I'm just gonna be, I'm just gonna live my best brat life, like you get it girl. But yeah, in a relationship where I don't really know you that well. Anyway, they said it and I didn't, I didn't think too much of red flag and and then since it's gone on, basically they just actually turned quite bratty. I called them and was like, oh look, I don't think I can see you tonight. They were going to come to this house party I was going to. I was like I don't think it's going to be a good idea, but I've got free tickets for this festival tomorrow. Do you want to come? And I was on loudspeaker at the time, were with their mate and they just were so dismissive and rude about the whole thing see, for me that'd be like okay, done, red flag, I'm not interested I know, but I'm not quite that cutthroat.
Speaker 2:Anyway, the phone call ended and they sent me a message and were like oh, my mate just told me I was being really bratty lol and I was like not a lol, check yourself.
Speaker 2:That is not nice well, they were being quite bad and I did say that they were, and then I didn't reply to their message for like 24 hours. And then, basically, they messaged me and were like, look, I don't think this is going to work. I need someone who's got better communication. And I came back and I actually poured my heart and I was like listen, I actually got really good communication, but I've been already arranged, like this festival for you to come to, blah, blah, blah. They then apologized. It was all back on again anyway. Two days went past. They said they went free for the next two weeks and I was like, yeah, no worries at all, but I go away after that for like three weeks. And they were like oh, how often are you away? I was like, I don't know, work is busy for me, like maybe a week of every month. And they were like oh no, I don't think this is to work. I know that I'm way too needy and I would need you in London more often.
Speaker 1:I'm rolling my eyes. I'm rolling my eyes at this conversation, brat Brat Summer. No, thank you.
Speaker 2:So I just replied and said yeah, no worries with the peace sign. And then I said also, I'd just like to remind you that you are the one that's busy for the next two weeks, not me. And they haven't replied, which is probably a good thing.
Speaker 1:Also, there's something red flaggy about. Oh, you're away for one week of every month. That's not good enough. I need you more. I need you around all the time, For sure. Do you not have your own life to live? Do you not have your own circle of friends to hang out with?
Speaker 2:Do you not have your own things that you want to do in life? Like they had really close friends. They did Glastonbury, they went on holiday with their family. This just seemed really like fun and I was like, okay, I feel this could work my lifestyle yeah, yeah. As long as it's good communication, which I do have, I do have it. I swear We'll be fine and obviously we're not going to see each other every weekend at the early stages.
Speaker 1:Yeah, of course not, and it was too much, too much. So, anyway, I'm not dating Bratz anymore. Bratz Summer is cancelled. Bratz Summer is cancelled.
Speaker 2:If I see that green Bratz Summer visual on my Instagram once more, there's not a lot I can do about it, but I will be very unhappy. I'll be at home like punching my phone Deep. Sigh, you know I like it deep. Anyway, I need a drink after all that, something really strong. So get me out the tequila. I feel like I'm gonna start drinking. And podcasters, we will be right back after this very short break right, you feel better now.
Speaker 1:You've had that drink and you've got that out of your chest.
Speaker 2:That wasn't where we were supposed to be going at all. I feel like I've been just like you know, I suppose. I say noshing my face off. That's not what I mean. I mean I wish I had. I don't know what that is, but it sounds like something I would do. No, I thought, yeah, sorry about that, it was a bit of a therapy moment, but we're moving on. Uh, because at the couple of weekends ago we were asked to host a house party now.
Speaker 1:Can I just say I think I'm I've always loved a house party all my life, right, but I feel like I'm really into them again. I go through like phases where I'm like no, I want to go out clubbing, I want to go out to the bars. I'm back into the house party era yeah, I'm so here for you.
Speaker 2:In fact, I love house parties so much. After lockdown, I tried to rent out. I don't know if I ever told you this. I tried to rent out like a massive townhouse and ticket like a house party, so it'll be like a club in a house. Nice, I love that. Yeah, I couldn't get the insurance. Uh, when I told the owners they weren't happy.
Speaker 2:Um, uh, no yeah, literally but I was trying to do it because I thought that would be such a vibe like a club but a house party yeah, I'm so here for that.
Speaker 1:I'm surprised that hasn't actually been done already.
Speaker 2:I don't know why the Soho Houses don't do it. Yes, oh my goodness but anyway that's not what we're talking about. We did our very own house party, but we hosted and gave them a headache. Now we we did all the entertainment we did.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was really fun. Obviously we love playing games anyway, don't we on the podcast, as I'm sure our regular listeners know. So we thought, right, let's put some games together. We'll make it all about our friend, because it was her birthday, and it was quite a big birthday it was her 30th. She's the last person of our friendship group to turn 30, apart from me. This is the Brat Summer Lies coming out.
Speaker 2:Shut up.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, we thought we'd make it extra special for her and do all these fun games all about her.
Speaker 2:Yes, and one of those games we called Shady Charades. Before we talk about Shady Charades, there is a disclaimer that we do have three of our friends who aren't currently talking to us, oopsie. So, brad, do you want to explain what Shady Charades is?
Speaker 1:Okay, so I'm sure we're all familiar with the term charades, right? What you do is you play this in your friendship group and you write in stories about people in the group, and we went down the route of stories that people have done within our friendship group silly stories, drunken stories, etc.
Speaker 2:etc which we kind of realized, but not the weight of it. Some people in the room may not have known these stories but because we announced that all the stories were true, we were kind of outing people with some embarrassing stories yeah, that's basically what it was.
Speaker 1:So we put all these embarrassing stories about everyone in the group in a bowl. Our friend then acted them all out. It's very funny, very silly, very ridiculous, yeah, uh. But yeah, we didn't quite realize that some people weren't aware that not everyone knew of the stories. Then suddenly this whole group of people knew everyone's shady stories yeah, and more that.
Speaker 2:The people that the stories involved.
Speaker 1:They didn't want people actually, in hindsight, I think that game was a bit toxic. I don't think we should play that anymore.
Speaker 2:I remember coming to you at one point in the evening because we'd done two other games before that.
Speaker 2:We did Snatch Game like our own version of it and like a video round, picture round. Yeah, and there was that point in the evening where I came to you and I said, look, if we don't play Shady Charades now, it's not going to work because people will be so like too towards being intoxicated they could get it could go really wrong. They could get like really angry or very upset or people are going to sober up and it won't be funny. We have to do this now and we did well.
Speaker 1:It generally went down well because our friend was acting it all out. It was really silly.
Speaker 2:She did such a good job.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she was great, but yeah, maybe in hindsight. The thing is, everyone has different levels of like what Thickness of skin? Is that the right way? Yeah, like I'm happy for you to take the piss out of me 24 hours a day, you know, etc. Like your toothy blowjobs, no one has ever said they're too fee.
Speaker 2:Not your face.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I don't care, I'm all up for the jokes, all up for the banter, but obviously I forget that people have different levels of thickness of skin, right? So maybe some of the things were a bit on the nose.
Speaker 2:Is that the right saying for some people? Yeah, I just think some people didn't want everyone, knowing that they had gone up to somebody's bedroom in the house, who wasn't even at the party, got bed-backed against the chest of drawers. I don't know why they didn't want to know that, but anyway.
Speaker 1:So what we've learned from this? Shady Charades is a toxic game and we're not going to play it ever again, Until next time.
Speaker 2:Until next week's episode, where we're looking for three lucky contestants to come on down and play Shady Charades with Benji and Brad.
Speaker 1:But after the games and all the parties, some people went out clubbing, some people stayed in the house party. You left and you went out to somewhere else.
Speaker 2:I actually went to Brewers.
Speaker 1:And where did you go after the two Brewers?
Speaker 2:The back room of two Brewers.
Speaker 1:And then, when you left the vicinity of the two Brewers, where did you end up McDonald?
Speaker 2:Yes, okay, I went via the Common in Clapham. Yeah, I did. I went to the cruising area which, listen, it's really fun. I know you had to be safe. We talked about it before, I'm not going to bore everyone about it, but it's a vibe. It really is a vibe. If you're into that sort of thing, it's very freeing. And I tell you right now, because it's summer, now about summer it was very busy.
Speaker 1:Well, let me just let people know who might be like what is this going on? Clapham, common, cruising, etc. So obviously Clapham is an area of London that we both live by and they've got a massive Common like a big park, yeah, and it's really famous because Clapham's quite a gay area in London anyway. So on the Common there's a special spot, special spot Within this park. Where is it all? Just men sometimes get women, yeah, no men, just men. Um, go cruising, yeah, and it's like a designated spot and you've been there once or twice a week, yeah I've been there multiple times over years.
Speaker 2:Listen, just a quick one for, if you are new to the podcast, cruising areas are so important for the culture of gay men. Cruising areas came about back when you weren't allowed to be gay and you had to go and find your tribe in certain areas, and it was all very hush, hush word of mouth, possibly on websites when the internet came about, but it was very, very low key and only those in the know knew about it. And obviously in modern day we now have Grind, you have different apps and we're able to express ourselves more in clubs etc. But these places still exist, and rightfully so, because I know well, I would guess, a lot of people that go to these cruising grounds are people who are still trying to find their sexuality or are not living how they want to live, and this is their way of like experiencing like experiencing gay sex, to be brutally honest with you.
Speaker 1:For sure, and also there's like a bit of a kink side to it as well. So people like outdoor sex? And is it voyeurism where you get watched?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So of course that is somewhere we can go to express that in an environment that generally is fairly safe, right, because everyone's there for the same reason. Everyone knows why they're there.
Speaker 2:I mean, listen it, it's not. You can't I mean in any situation you can't always assume it's going to be safe. You need to be cautious and be careful. Um, but yes, I have, I did feel I do normally feel very safe there.
Speaker 2:And look, I think cruising gets a bit of a bad name. It seemed to be quite like seedy and people think it's very like sexually dangerous, like you can catch all sorts of things. But really it's not that much different to like the modern day chill out or the modern day grinder orgy or a dark room in a club or even just some of these clubs that people go to. Anyway, I mean, I've not been to them, but I know, like feel it roast, these sorts of parties. If you've been to them and if you haven't, just have a quick like look them up.
Speaker 2:Um, they're very fetish, driven high sexually. I don't even know how to even explain them without trying to be derogatory to them, but they're all basically about sex. Yeah, either you're having sex or you're trying to come across very sexual or, for sure, what you're wearing latex. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, um, lots of words, though not many sentences, but lots of words, um, so, yeah, I don't. Personally, I don't see it as any different. The only thing that I like about it is it's not like it's an only invite. You get like a massive selection of different types of people and you can leave at any point, and a lot of the times people don't really see your face. If you want to put your hood up, you can like oh, I see, usually it's busier.
Speaker 2:Yeah, obviously at night time, right yeah, so it's a a bit more mysterious. You can hide who you are if you want to. I mean listen, I'm not trying to glamorise this you do get celebrities going to them.
Speaker 1:Do you actually yeah?
Speaker 2:because it's very low key, people might not necessarily know who they are. I have seen people there who are in the media eye enjoying themselves. Oh wow, yeah, because no one's got phones out. No one talks about it like it's a very hush-hush thing.
Speaker 1:I remember you took me there once a couple of years ago.
Speaker 2:In the daylight.
Speaker 1:It was in the daylight. We were on the Common, weren't we? And I was like where is this site where people go? And you're like it's not far from here show everyone to through.
Speaker 2:I'll show you where it is.
Speaker 1:And I remember, actually, when we were there it must have been like 5pm on like a, you know, a random Thursday the sun was still up. There were a couple of people already in the bushes Wandering through.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I, mean it is any time of day. Obviously it's busier in the evening, especially after you kick out from clubs. But you do kind skin I would say to go. Uh, not in the sense like you'll get rejected, but like people are coming from very different parties. Let's say they've been doing different things. Before they come maybe they're looking for different things. But um, yeah, I did go there after the house party and I had a lovely old time. I've never seen it so busy. Oh really yeah, and because it was quite a warm evening. There were just so many people who had literally just had no clothes on, hung them on a tree and were just like walking around in their trainers.
Speaker 1:Wow, yeah, because have I ever talked about one time where I went to a chill out? I didn't realise I was at a chill out.
Speaker 2:No, how did you not know you were going to a chill out?
Speaker 1:So I had a boyfriend at the time. This was a few years back and, uh, we were at a club with some friends and we'd met a friend that we a mutual friend of ours and we were chatting away and the club was coming to an end it's like a random thursday or wednesday or something and uh, uh, and the guy was like, oh, I'm going to an after party. Do you two want to come with? I'm like, yeah, yeah, you know, we'll carry on the party. He said the word after party, never said the word chill out and, to be honest, at that point I didn't really know what a chill out was.
Speaker 1:And we ended up going to this really fancy penthouse in Trafalgar Square like townhouse, penthouse money, and there must have been about 20 to 30 people in this massive living room and the music was on, everyone was just chatting and there were drinks and the host was like, yeah, help yourself to whatever's in the kitchen. So very generous. And we was all you know. We were sat on a sofa. There was lots of sofas in this big living room. We just sat chatting and uh, yeah, we're just chatting away, and I saw in the corner of my eye someone give someone a blowjob in the opposite corner. I thought that's a bit much for a house party at least. Like go up to a bedroom or the bathroom. I was like, well, I won't think anything of that. And we just carried and chucked away and then look around and then like suddenly there's a few more people joined in on that. And then look again, someone's like getting fucked on the sofa. And I turned to my friend and I was like what kind of party were you at? And he's like, oh, it's a chill out. She's like, okay, you never said those words. And so, yeah, I found myself in the middle of this chill out without realizing Dot dot dot, dot dot dot.
Speaker 1:It's like that Mamma Mia thing, isn't it?
Speaker 2:What a night.
Speaker 1:We danced on the beach, we kissed on the beach.
Speaker 2:Honey, honey how he? Fucked me huh.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And then I thought, well, kind of here, I feel like I might give it a go, and I dabbled a little bit. I was like you know what. This just isn't for me.
Speaker 2:Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, pause. I have just talked about how I just went to Clap and Common at 2am and had a 12% orgy on a bench. And here you are, like I dabbled.
Speaker 1:It literally was a dabble. Yeah, go into it. Yeah, because people are like oh, do you want to take your clothes off? It's like, oh, I don't know, like I just don't know these people. That kind of orgy, chill-out thing isn't quite for me, especially as I'm in a big group and I end up sort of taking my trousers down but still have my underwear on. I was like, oh God, I'm of the extent of it.
Speaker 2:I was like this just well, then you left pretty much yeah, and then went to another party. That was just like a normal house party where they played steps absolutely loved it wow I've never been to a chill out, have you not? No, never, ever, ever, ever, ever. I have had people just be like do you want to come back? And I just to me. I'll be honest, I thought a chill out was very like substance abuse driven.
Speaker 1:Yes, actually that just sparked a memory. There was that going around as well.
Speaker 2:So that's why I've never really attended one. It's not to do with, like the group activities, but it's more. I just, as you know, I don't have nothing against it, but I don't ever touch drugs, never have done. I just it doesn't interest me and I don't like to mix the two.
Speaker 2:I feel like for me that's quite a dangerous thing to do um, so I've never attended one not saying I wouldn't, but yeah, there's no judgment. Obviously I go to the park at night time instead. We're all into our own things, but it is interesting, isn't it? Like the gay world and what we actually all like to get up to, but maybe don't talk about it sure, yeah, yeah, yeah like why do we have to call it a chill out?
Speaker 1:people are chilling out, I guess, but everyone's kind of naked and just getting with everyone.
Speaker 2:Sorry, when you say that, that just reminds me of that video that went round in our group of our mate that went to a chill out and they were using him as the pole for limbo. And he was there in his like red speedo pants, rigid as a board, as a pole, and people were like limboing with no clothes on underneath him. Yeah, he was the pole, yeah, and then they were like kind of skipping with him as a skipping rope. Yeah, hilarious oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:But yeah, yeah, you are right. There tends to be a lot of substances that happen at those parties and I think the reason why is it keeps you awake. So they just go on for hours, days, days and days. And also it prevents you from coming as well, so it means you can keep going and going.
Speaker 2:I mean, I can tell you a funny story about one of my friends, but I'm not going to do any names at all. They had an arranged. I think it was a threesome. Actually, they had an arranged. I think it was a threesome. Actually, I felt like there may have been more. Anyway, him and a few others, and it was definitely going to be a very sex-driven evening. They had no clothes on and for the very first time ever he took Viagra.
Speaker 1:Do you know what? I've never tried Viagra and I really want to, out of curiosity.
Speaker 2:I've never taken it and after this story I never will, oh, really really. So they took viagra. Um, it was working really good, but a few hours in decided to take another one, not sure why. Okay, took another one anyway. Long story short, they had a great evening and morning and afternoon like they were literally going out of like hours, wow. Then the next evening my friend had a gig I know where this is going and couldn't get rid of their hard-on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just couldn't get rid of it. And we said they were so sore because they'd literally been like fucking for like 12 hours, oh God. So literally had to wear about four pairs of pants and just like to like tuck it tuck it, tuck it away, and this person is actually a working drag queen.
Speaker 1:So literally a drag queen with an erection.
Speaker 2:I'm not sure if that's the, but um, yeah, they said they've never felt pain like it and like for like a week afterwards like just couldn't, even couldn't touch it yeah, I can totally see that happening.
Speaker 1:I do want to try a vagra at some point, just out of curiosity. I want to know how long it's going to give me an erection, for how it feels.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I won't take two I mean, maybe this is something that men don't talk about. I personally have no problems in that area.
Speaker 1:Yeah, me neither.
Speaker 2:I'm just actually, I can literally get up ready to go and I can be ready to go for like.
Speaker 1:Morning soldier.
Speaker 2:Literally hours, hours and hours. I can keep it going for like six. Honestly, I have no problems.
Speaker 1:Six hours yeah.
Speaker 2:No problem at all. No Viagra Now. If I ever, as I get older, feel like that is not as strong as it once was, I would definitely try it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I wouldn't until I absolutely needed to. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2:I'd be too scared, it would go very, very wrong.
Speaker 1:I mean we have definitely gone off topic here, but what a great conversation, because I did not know that Viagra story. That's amazing. No, well, we don't again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't actually talk about that with my gay mates no people like may say things like oh yeah, we were like shagging for hours, but no one ever.
Speaker 1:You don't talk about those ins and outs and I don't see why not well, here we are on the podcast, sharing the stories, collecting the information and delivering the goods yeah, and actually it must be like a bigger thing than we realize, because I do go into club toilets.
Speaker 2:You know they have on the wall like condoms yeah, that's true, and they have that. The vibra ones, yeah, yeah so it must be like a really common thing that people need do you know when you maybe start losing your erections? Can happen at any point no, but I I've been with guys. Where that I've been with guys, they really struggle to get it up.
Speaker 1:I think that's a reflection on you, probably.
Speaker 2:No, that's not what I mean, but like it would go up and down, up and down, up and down throughout the evening. Yeah, and they've been so embarrassed about it and I don't really care, but maybe that's the sort of person that they would then maybe want to try Viagra. I don't know, viagra, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I see, and what sort of age range was those, those people? Because I always see Viagra as something you take when you're like an old man but I don't know when is the age.
Speaker 2:That's because it was always advertised as that. If you've ever seen like growing up an advert for Viagra, it was always old men yeah, with like grey hair on the yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Loads of people at our age that maybe, maybe they struggle.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we need to talk about it. Boys, we do, we really really do. So maybe we should put out a poll, a hard poll a hard poll. We'll have a poll on the podcast love me a poll?
Speaker 2:no, but seriously, like, if you have any experience in this, whether it be yourself or with ex-partners or whatever like, write in because I think genuinely it's really interesting personally for me. When I was, how old was I? 1920 and I know longer than that 22, 23 and I started like seeing regular well, like sleeping with different guys. I was terrified because I'd never really seen someone else's willy. I was terrified of the word willy.
Speaker 1:It just makes me giggle all right that's really childish. It sounds like okay will? I don't know.
Speaker 2:Because I hadn't seen anybody else's tool. Nob, yeah, it's much classier. I used to get quite shy. I was like I don't know if mine is really different to other people's, and then, as you sleep with more people or just I don't know, get to know your friends better. You um, you see, like everyone is so different everyone's willies are different, yeah, so different.
Speaker 2:Obviously, porn is really bad for that sort of thing. It definitely depicts a very classic, normally much larger than is natural yeah, size um, and that made me feel so much better about myself, knowing that everyone has all sorts of different sizes length, girths, bends, you name it kicks, splits. So maybe this is something that actually we should open up on the podcast and talk about, because we may well have this as a thing in our life one day and I actually would like to know now how to tackle it how it all works.
Speaker 1:I feel okay.
Speaker 2:I know how it works, but yeah, I think it's an interesting topic. So, yes, if you have any experience in this realm, whether you teach about it because I know there's like sex ed teachers that listen whether you have friends that have expressed it, ex-partners or even yourself, and you are happy to write in, of course we will keep it as anonymous as you want us to please do, because I think it's a really important thing for us as gay men to talk about yeah, just to know the information.
Speaker 2:Right, we don't get taught this unless someone tells us no, and I think it's really important and I think on this season, we want to talk about more things like this. So, yes, if you have any experience with this, please write in.
Speaker 1:We would love to hear from you well, podcasters, it's that time of the episode. It's time for Queer Diary.
Speaker 2:Yes, it is, and the question this week is Queer Diary. I've recently been dating somebody and it's going really well. How long would you leave it before introducing your new boyfriend to your friends?
Speaker 1:Oh, now, that is a really good question Because, like any of these things, you know when should we move in together, when should we sleep together, et cetera, et cetera. There's just no timeline. It's whatever works for you. I would say you want to get to know that person and be on quite a good sort of level with each other, before then throwing them into your friendship group. Yeah for sure, that's good advice.
Speaker 2:I think you want to have had enough like banter back and forth. So you understand each other's sense of humor, yeah, and obviously feel comfortable with them enough to have the conversation of. So when you meet my friends, they will probably rip me and your arsehole in front of you. Yeah, please don't take it seriously. They're just like my mates taking the piss.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And make it seriously. They're just like my mates taking the piss.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and make sure that they you know them well enough that they will understand that and not be like, okay, that sounds like you're trying to wiggle out of a red flag. Sure, yeah, um, and also I know that my friends would ask my person I'm dating loads of questions. So I'd have to give them the warning like they're probably gonna ask you a lot of questions that will probably be slightly interrogating, but it's only because they just want to get to know you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah yeah, just want to get to know you, you know. So there's no set timeline, right? Is the kind of long answer for that. There's not like one week, two weeks, et cetera. It's whenever you feel is the right time. But again a question for you would you introduce them in like a group setting, for example, like a house party or a night out, or would you do it in like drips and drabs, like oh, come to coffee or brunch with a couple of friends and then come to this event with a couple more friends?
Speaker 2:I think I'd do the whole hog.
Speaker 1:I would do the same, like a night out or a group. Throw in the deep end, sink or swim.
Speaker 2:But I would only do it when I was ready to take mine and like our relationship to that next level. It doesn't have to be like a big level jump, but I would have to have got to know them enough to be like, okay, this could potentially work. I'm liking to get getting to know you like the communication is good, although apparently with me it's shit. Um, communication's good, the bounce is good. You know we're texting each day like I'm happy. I get excited when your name pops off my phone.
Speaker 2:That's a nice love that um, yeah, let's, let's challenge it a bit, let's put you in the deep end with my friends who, let's be honest, our friendship group, anyone's friendship group is an extension of themselves, right for sure, right? So let's throw them in and just see how they go and then have those cute little moments and what would be your preferred, uh kind of group environment like a brunch, a house party, a club in.
Speaker 2:I think a house party is a really good one, yeah, personally, although I think, see, the thing is, I'm thinking about this as me getting them to meet my friends. So there's me saying I would do it at a house party, which I knew the house. So, technically, I'm doing it all on my own terms, sure, whereas if I was meeting their friends, I think maybe I'd prefer, like a club setting.
Speaker 1:Because in a club setting it's difficult to like do loads of conversations right, so it's fine to just go for a bit of a dance or like. I'm just going to pop a saloon, go to the bar etc. And kind of break off a bit. In a house party you're sort of surrounded by people all the time, Even if you could just go to the kitchen to get a drink. Yeah, there are probably going are going to be constant.
Speaker 2:It's not. It's not neutral. And then even getting a drink you're like should I be asking to get a drink Like, can I use this?
Speaker 1:cup. That's so true, yeah.
Speaker 2:Whereas a club. You're like I was going to the bar, yeah, or if I'm feeling a bit nervous, I'll go stand in the smoking area.
Speaker 1:So I would say, probably, like a nice you know, play some funny games or whatever. They're good to get to know each other and the banter levels and have more chats.
Speaker 2:For sure, I definitely think more people being there the better, yeah, but cute for whoever this is. I hope it goes really well.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And better than mine. I really hope they're not living their brats up. Oh well, cute when I feel single and lonely. Podcasters. That's all we have time for on this week's episode of my big gay podcast. If you don't already, please head over to our instagram it's at big gay podcast or, of course, to our tiktok channel, which is at big gay podcast as well, and give us a follow, like our content and send us a message if you want to and if you would like to appear on queer diary, then get in touch.
Speaker 1:It can be via the dm, you can slide on in or send us a voice note, or if you've got a real fun story to share, we will give you a little call live on the podcast and we'll get you on in the studio. So how about that? How?
Speaker 2:about that. We can interrogate you live. Who would not want that Exactly? But podcast, like I said, that's all we have time for in this week's episode, Until next time. See you next Wednesday. Did you not want to join in with me, mate?
Speaker 1:Sorry. Oh my goodness, I just zoned out a little bit there. Do you know what I was looking at? Yeah, me, me, the studio board, all the lights, like God. There's a lot of buttons on there that I kind of want to press and see what happens. And I just got transfixed Podcast. Did you see what I had to put up with? Do I destroy the pretty lines? I was like God. I've just never seen like a mixing desk like that before. I was like wow.
Speaker 2:Could you set your line please?
Speaker 1:See you next Wednesday. There we go, thank you.
