My Big Gay Podcast
My Big Gay Podcast is the ultimate LGBTQ+ comedy show, diving headfirst into the highs, lows, and LOLs of gay life in London and beyond... (wait, did somebody just say head?!).
Hosted by your new gay BFFs, Benji and Brad, this podcast spills all the tea on their adventures as two gay guys in their 30s, juggling careers, chasing love, and living their best big gay lives in the greatest city in the world.
Now in its sixth fabulous season and recently crowned the TOP 3 LGBTQ+ podcast in the UK and a TOP 20 Comedy Podcast worldwide, My Big Gay Podcast is your backstage pass to hilarious celebrity interviews, outrageous games, epic competitions and heartwarming listener stories. It's been called “Bridget Jones’s Diary meets Sex and the City—but way gayer!”
So, if you’re up for a good time (and maybe some mischief), join Benji and Brad as they navigate the wild world of love, laughter, and life. Want to play along or get in touch? Slide into their DMs on Instagram: @BigGayPodcast, or hit up their website at www.MyBigGayPodcast.com.
My Big Gay Podcast
S6. Ep 11. Two Gays and the Pump Enlarger
Get in touch! Drop Benji and Brad a text message by clicking on this link.
Ever found yourself unexpectedly clutching a penis pump after a night of Drag Bingo chaos? You're not alone. We kick off with tales of spooky thrills from London's Tully's Farm Shocktober Fest and Thorpe Park's Fright Nights, where scare mazes and roller coasters in the dark set the scene for our Halloween escapades. The adventure takes a cheeky twist with a night out in Soho's Little Coup, where an unexpected prize left us pondering its pros, cons, and the slapstick comedy of late-night filming mishaps.
Shenanigans continue as we navigate London’s social scene, from party mishaps to climbing the social ladder with unexpected celebrity connections. Relive the hilarity of a celebrity-style party invite from an old acquaintance, Matt, and the cringe-worthy aftermath of neglecting instruction manuals (yes, involving that penis pump again). There’s also a dash of nostalgia for themed parties, highlighted by a memorable moment of channeling our inner Heathers, perms included, at the Mighty Hoopla's Butlins Weekenders.
Wrap your ears around tales of romantic beach encounters and high-octane escapades on sandy shores. From secret moonlit rendezvous to the thrill of nearly getting caught in compromising locations, these stories promise a mix of humor, intrigue, and oversharing—perfect for those who relish a good laugh. We round off with a playful mystery revolving around a mysterious Luke and a promise to keep the fun coming next week. Join us for an episode that captures the spirited essence of life in London and beyond!
Get to know us more personally!
Instagram
www.instagram.com/biggaypodcast
Email
hello@mybiggaypodcast.com
Website
www.MyBigGayPodcast.com
Hello and welcome to this week's episode of my Big Gay Podcast with me, Benji.
Speaker 1:And me, brad, giving you the life, the laughs and lulls of living in London. That was my ghost voice.
Speaker 2:Right, two gays, one city. What could? Possibly go wrong, I think for me. I was trying to give ghosts. You were giving gandalf and then the bit after. You're like one. What's your line? Give me the life that I was lost. You're giving me this like rapper hands. I was getting into character giving me the life, the love. Stand the love. Where is the love? Literally?
Speaker 1:you're strange yeah, that's my character.
Speaker 2:You are strange. I feel like we're spending too much time together.
Speaker 1:Well, we spent all weekend together.
Speaker 2:We, as you may have heard on last week's episode, we had a real busy weekend of Halloween activities. Did you like it? I really did enjoy it, did you? Yeah, I did. I mean, it was scary, yeah, it was. I would it yeah, it was, I would, I would go again.
Speaker 1:I would definitely recommend it for people, would you? I would, yeah. Did you enjoy it? Because I loved it. That was probably the scariest thing I've ever done. Oh wow, and I've done some scary shit in my time, like godzilla. That's a scary film. That is a scary film no it.
Speaker 2:You know what, it was really good. And if you are into like scares, scare, mazes, thrills, rides, all the shabam, we would definitely recommend going and checking out Tully's. You can go to their website, just google Tully's Farm. They're doing a whole like Shocktober yeah fest and also then on the Sunday we went to Thought Park to do Fright Nights, which is also really good. You have the normal sort of rides during the day and then in the evening all these like ghouls and ghosts and gumptions all of that, all of it plus.
Speaker 1:They have horror mazes there as well, and what's really cool is you get to ride the roller coasters in the dark, which is also a bit scary that's so fun, yeah, so anyway, that's thought.
Speaker 2:Park the one with holly's farm. If you haven't checked out before, definitely go and check it out. Have you had a good rest of your week?
Speaker 1:do you know what?
Speaker 2:I'm a fucking winner this week oh, sorry for the language because straight in straight in there.
Speaker 1:I went to Drag Bingo Now you know I like Drag Bingo, yeah, and we went to one at Little Coup in Soho. Yeah, really cute bar have you been before I have? That is a great bar for a date night.
Speaker 2:I think that's a lovely place to take a date. Yeah, well, that's the difference between me and you, isn't it why I wouldn't take a date to Little Cape?
Speaker 1:no, I thought it was really friendly. It's nice.
Speaker 2:It's a bit intimate there's intimate, and then there's being able to hear everyone else's conversations.
Speaker 1:I guess, yeah, I guess. So I thought it was cute you know it's lovely, I just wouldn't take a first date there but anyway, they're now doing drag bingo there a couple times a month and we went me was so good I won a prize oh gosh, I actually know what price is this, but I'll I'll act shocked.
Speaker 2:Oh, what price did you win?
Speaker 1:a penis pump, christ, on a bike not that I need it, but I'm really intrigued to try it out. Okay, first of all, you might need it.
Speaker 2:Second of all, they are do you know what can go wrong with a penis pump?
Speaker 1:I know nothing about a penis pump. I'll be honest, other than it's meant to make your dick look a bit bigger.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's like, yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1:You put your dick in a capsule, you pump it and something to do with the air and it like it's a vacuum.
Speaker 2:A vacuum right, it's like a vacuum. So you're sucking all the air out, oh out, oh so, as you're sucking the air out and your penis is in there, what it's doing is it's like drawing more blood into your penis oh, that's why.
Speaker 1:And then?
Speaker 2:it's, yeah, it's. It kind of has a similar effect if you wore like a quite a tight cock ring ah, yes, that makes sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah and then it's supposed to be quite a temporary thing, like it doesn't make it bigger forever. What it can do, though, is like stretch the tissue so like when you soft, you might have a longer soft, willy Forever, a bit more of a dangly. Yeah, it can do Forever, yeah, and because of that damage you can actually get, then penile dysfunction. You don't get as hard erections because you've damaged it.
Speaker 1:So now I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't use the penis pump. Have you used?
Speaker 2:it yet to be honest? No, I actually haven't. Have you used it yet? Be honest? No, I actually haven't.
Speaker 1:So when I got home that night. Now obviously again.
Speaker 2:You were trashed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I pissed you off again because we were going to do a video and I turned up and I had a few too many wines there was me like makeup done, lighting done, camera mic'd, ready to go.
Speaker 2:This one comes around the corner, baby. Me wow we're not filming today, are we? It's Jack Bingo Jaw on the floor, Not mine his.
Speaker 1:I'm never shocked. I'm out of my bag with me, didn't I With my penis pump. And your backpack.
Speaker 2:I just got the joke.
Speaker 1:I just got it. Yes, I had my penis pump and that night I was telling everyone wasn't I. I was like I'm going home early tonight. Lads, I'm going it. Yes, I had my penis pump and that night I was telling everyone wasn't I like I'm going home early tonight lads.
Speaker 1:I'm going home because I'm going to try this out. I'm really intrigued, but I ended up not going home early or trying out the penis pump, so it's still ready to go no, you stayed with me till about 5am, yeah, and then I think you probably went and passed out.
Speaker 2:yeah, recently bought a set of cock rings. Did I tell you about this? No, oh, yeah, I recently bought a set of them.
Speaker 1:For you or for yeah, yeah, no for me.
Speaker 2:Listen, I don't need them. Sorry, I'm going to try and put this in so it doesn't make me sound very like I don't know. I'm going to try and not paint myself in a really bad light. Hang on, I personally don't feel that I need them for the benefit that a lot of people wear them for right. Some people wear them because it maintains your erection so you can stay hard for longer. Yep, Right, Just in my life that is not a problem that I have.
Speaker 1:Do they also correct me if I'm wrong? Stop you from coming quicker as well, don't know.
Speaker 2:Okay, no comment. I would have to. Yeah, I don't know. Right, you're only supposed to wear them for about at a time, because it literally does stop the blood supply.
Speaker 1:But surely you need the blood in the dick to make it hard.
Speaker 2:Yes, once you're then hard, it kind of stays in there.
Speaker 1:Oh, so it traps the blood in.
Speaker 2:It basically traps the blood in. You can put it on when you're soft, but I think you do normally put it on when you're soft, but I think the blood will go in there easy and then it comes back out again. I assume I don't really know the physics is it gives you more sensitivity, so it, if you get like a different, you get a different vibe.
Speaker 1:Let's say more of a sensation yeah, a different sensation.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't say more, I wouldn't say less. It's a very different one, more of like a tingly one that might be good, right no? Yeah, yeah, for sure. I think that's why people wear them some. Some people wear them anyway. I was really curious. I've um hooked up with guys, I've chatted guys that wear them and I just thought I would give it a go, but um, was it good I mean, I haven't worn one in action with anyone yet, I've just sort of worn one around the house, um, but it was like, it was like a pack of six, which I wasn't really sure about, and they're all different sizes.
Speaker 2:So I thought, oh, it's like a pack and you just wear the one that fits.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that makes sense, right. Yeah, no, no that's not.
Speaker 2:That's not what they're for. See, like the biggest one goes around, like all of you, yeah, oh yeah, balls a lot. Then you have other ones just for your balls, and then you have smaller ones, that is just for like your shaft, let's say, and you can wear like three at once wow, yeah, ring around the shaft, yeah, around the actual willy itself, one round the entire thing, and then one just around your balls, and then I assume you can do them like one round each ball. Oh, but do you remember?
Speaker 1:Sounds like torture chamber.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, but some people are into that. Did you used to play with like cat's cradles at school? Yeah, you kind of ended up looking like that, and because of what?
Speaker 1:you put them all on at once.
Speaker 2:No, I put two, when I was like this is too much because the ones I got they're really cheap. I'm gonna be honest. They're like six quid. Um, they're silicon and they really, really pinch.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, they're tugging at that skin they pinch and pull.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was like I not for me no, I think if I was to do it again, I'd have to get some sort of like oil or something involved. But they've gone in the drawer and they haven't come out the drawer. They're going to collect dust forever and ever, I think I might just throw them away Right or offer them to my female housemate as headbands.
Speaker 1:Off to the gym. Tie your hair up, love.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just tie your hair up, it's silicon.
Speaker 1:a great philosopher. If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it and you did.
Speaker 2:I did, I put two on it, actually greedy, and you didn't like it. No, I took the ring off yeah, it's strange, I don't know how we got onto my.
Speaker 1:Oh, your penis pump, penis pump yeah, so you've not done a penis pump no, when I was a kid, did I put my willy in a hoover?
Speaker 2:Yes, I did.
Speaker 1:Did you? Yeah, I did Me too, yeah, I think everyone has.
Speaker 2:I think any gay at home that says they didn't is lying, yeah, or just not very clever because it was an awakening.
Speaker 1:Do you know how I learned to do that? Well, not how I learned. I only did it once from Scary Movie Of course you did Of course you. It was like oh, is that a thing that you do? So I did it once.
Speaker 2:I just used to love cleaning. Well, I do love cleaning and I remember being like huh.
Speaker 1:Mum, like Benji, you can't hoover your room every day. You keep getting that hoover out.
Speaker 2:Back at home. I've got my own hoover Because I'm on the third floor.
Speaker 1:So there's the hoover oh how's it work? Just suck it a little bit. Honestly, make my gag reflex.
Speaker 2:I didn't even know I had a gag reflex, but you knock it every time. You say stuff like that.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, no, no, I did not imagine that whipping around the dice inside gross so you just put it over for a bit and then would you like pull it away. Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:So it was like give me don't act as if you didn't do the exact. You're only asking me these questions because you did the exact same thing, but what you cleverly do is try paint me with that brush so you get off scot-free. Don't think I don't know what you're doing.
Speaker 1:You're the kinky one out of us too, so it makes sense for you to talk about it and me to act shocked like, oh my goodness, never done that before. Right, that's the dynamic, right?
Speaker 2:I must have missed that bit in the manuals, anyway, yeah, so I feel like we've got off topic. Cock pump. Are you going?
Speaker 1:I am going to try it Now. I do appreciate there's some risks around it.
Speaker 2:I think the risk only happens if you use it a lot.
Speaker 1:All the time I'm just going to probably do it once, just out of curiosity, but I do like before and after, not pictures, I'll send it Like which one do you prefer?
Speaker 2:I've seen your willy before and I don't want to see it ever again.
Speaker 1:It's a lovely one though.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've seen better, I've enjoyed better. I do not want to see your penis ever again. I've got it out of my mind. Please don't put that image back in my head. But you enjoy yourself.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much. Yeah, I will let you know how I get on.
Speaker 2:I do feel like you should give us like a written review of how I will.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I definitely will let you know. Once I've done it, I will tell you about my experience Like read the manual.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I will do that. Read the instructions.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I'm not going to just wing it. You are definitely that person.
Speaker 2:I know I was going to wing it.
Speaker 1:I was no, but now you've made me a bit nervous about the health implications, so I will read the manual You're.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness, what it doesn't go down the hole. Imagine the A&E trip now, hello. So what can I help you for? My mate has got his willy stuck in a penis pump. I'm really sorry. I don't know how he's got it wrong, but he's got it wrong.
Speaker 1:Didn't read the manual.
Speaker 2:Didn't read. Oh, my goodness, we need to take a break.
Speaker 1:We do. I'm getting too giddy Enjoying that, jack. No, I'm trying to get comfy. Oh my gosh, you're so annoying. Listen, I've got a story to tell you about a party that I went to the other weekend. Okay Now, unfortunately you weren't here because I was going to bring you as my plus one. You're welcome, where was I? You were back home in jersey, joyce, joyce, right, fine, but I got invited to this what can only be described as like a celebrity la type party.
Speaker 2:You know like you see in, like tvs and films.
Speaker 1:I don't know how I made the invite list.
Speaker 2:Right, I'm going to keep my mouth closed, so you tell me some more, because I yeah, I'm going to reserve my opinions for in a minute.
Speaker 1:Okay, fine. So the story was years ago when I first moved to London. I worked on this freelance job with some other gays, including this guy called Matt. So this is like over 10 years ago, and we were friendly enough. But you know like you move on to other jobs, et cetera, et cetera, and we Did you skate with him.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, not at all. And like once the blue moon, we'd cross paths. Either we'd bump into each other out and about, or we might end up working on like a crossover gig or something and we'd be like and then, do you know, recently Mighty Hoopla were doing the Butlins Weekenders Right, which you never came to any of those.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:And that's because podcasters Benji is a bit too bougie for the Butlins life.
Speaker 2:I just didn't want to travel all the way down to Bogna fucking region, just the name Bogna.
Speaker 1:Where are you going for the weekend, bogna?
Speaker 2:Yeah, to stay in a Butlins, yeah. Yeah to stay in a butlins, yeah, with two and a half thousand other gays yeah, it's just not for you just I mean, yeah, no, not for you. Don't think so. I might have done it if they didn't. You know, stop doing them.
Speaker 1:But that maybe tells me everything I need to know, sure yeah, yeah, they're not doing them anymore, but for the last three years, every end of january they had these weekend parties and he was always there. So I used to always bump into him, and the first year they did it where I bumped into him, he'd also had a perm.
Speaker 2:So we were perm brothers at the same time wow, does he put it off better than you did?
Speaker 1:I think we're both afterwards. We were laughing about it last year to be like. What were we thinking at the time?
Speaker 2:well, you were going through a bit of a midlife crisis he's same age. I think he was also going for the same thing what his boyfriend just rolled over and said he wants to break up with you you love to bring up my past trauma I just love the fact that you were rolling. I just know what you're like like rolling over bed like morning literally was that chirper and chippy we'd have a little chat. Oh, I'm not gonna break up with me, are you? He broke up with you yeah, literally sorry.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, good times.
Speaker 2:I actually love that story because I know you would have rolled over, literally like you know, all beaming and ready for a day, happily, blissfully in in the world of brad's thinking.
Speaker 1:Everything was hunker, dory and fine yeah, literally could have knocked me over with a feather. I said it as a joke and he was like no, actually the joke that you're saying is true. Anyway, we digress. So kept bumping into this lovely guy called Matt at Butlins and he's done really well for himself, he's started his own business, it's done quite well, etc. Etc. And I bumped into him again this year at Butlins and this year they have a fancy dress themed night and they did a night of the musicals, so everyone was dressed up as whatever musical characters they wanted, and so me and two of the friends that I went with we went as the Heathers.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Can I tell you side story? I really like wearing the skirt.
Speaker 2:I like swooshing it I know?
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm tapping into my feminine era, I think.
Speaker 2:I don't think you're tapping in. I think you've very much been there for a while. I'm in it, you're in it.
Speaker 1:Now, I wouldn't want to wear a skirt all the time, but on a night out with the gays I quite liked the little swoosh of the skirt.
Speaker 2:But you're still a dom-top.
Speaker 1:Yeah, in your tartan skirt. Look, angel on the streets. That's what I like to say. With a penis pump, oh my, goodness, skiddies in the sheets.
Speaker 2:What about you?
Speaker 1:Oh my goodness. Anyway, so we went as the Three Heathers and he also went with his friends as the Three Heathers. So I was like, oh my goodness, how funny. Blah, blah, blah. We ended up hanging out all night. We were having a gay old time. And he was like like, oh, sometimes I host parties at my flat in London. You should totally come to them. I was like, oh my goodness, I'd love to. Anyway, he invited me one months ago and I couldn't make it anyway. And he had another one the other day and I was like, yeah, I'd love to come. And he said the theme was wicked. Oh yeah, the wickedly talented. So, yeah, everyone went. It's sort of like pink green. Now there was a bit of a joke, was like, oh, should I get like black cape, green face paint?
Speaker 2:no, glad I didn't, because it's not that sort of vibe it's like it's not the tacky pound world halloween parties that you like to throw well, it's just not fancy dress it's like you might wear like a pink jock and the pink harness.
Speaker 1:It's a sex pie. It wasn't a sex party, but that did happen later on at a different party. That was kind of like a joint. That's a. I'll come to that story in a second oh, lord, okay so thank goodness I didn't go in like green face paint and a cape, because that would have been like that mean girls moment right, where everyone's looking really sexy and I'm like full-on witch yeah, why are you dressed so scary?
Speaker 2:it's halloween, katie. If you don't dress slutty, that is slut shaming us. Frankenstein's mother, whatever life, yeah literally that.
Speaker 1:Um so anyway, rocked up to this party, bumped into someone I dated years ago. He came over, was like I know, you don't know. I was like, yeah, we slept together like a few years back, uh, it's one of those sort of moments and then his boyfriend was there and uh was chatting to his boyfriend and then the boyfriend, who works in fashion, had this like tartan uh customed waistcoat, as in like dorothy tartan waistcoat with like gingham?
Speaker 2:I think gingham yes that's it. With long socks, red high heels, yeah, it looked very fashionable I don't take your word for that, because yeah, but you're in fashion no, no.
Speaker 1:But he looks at someone like oh yeah, you look quite fashionable. It turns out he works in fashion. His job is to pick the suits that kamala harris wears for her campaigns oh, wow in america, yeah, and just came back from New York Fashion Week. So this is like the level of people that I was at this party with Okay, top lawyers, top TV producers it was that sort of crowd.
Speaker 2:And then you and me Hedgetoe green.
Speaker 1:No, I didn't wear the green face.
Speaker 2:That's right, sorry, thank goodness for that.
Speaker 1:Thank so luckily.
Speaker 2:I did it. Why was I not there?
Speaker 1:No, because my friend was like oh, bring a plus one. So you was going to be my plus one, but you went around. We could have gone as Glinda and Elphaba together.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank Christ, I wasn't here.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness, that could have been a moment for us. I would have gone as Chesterie the monkey.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you don't need a costume for that, anyway, so anyway.
Speaker 1:So he sent me instructions to get to his apartment. It's in lime house, nice area, and uh went there. You can't access his floor on the elevator because the elevator goes up to floors one to five.
Speaker 1:He's on floor six so you have to put in like a special, yes, penthouse so you have to put in like the special code to go up to the sixth floor, which is like off limits. It's massive balcony overlooking the thames glass staircase up to the second floor. Yeah, I've never been to a house party like that in my life.
Speaker 2:I'll be honest with you.
Speaker 1:Every alcoholic drink you could mention. He'd paid for bar staff to basically work in his kitchen and just make you whatever drinks you wanted Canapes that were all like Wicked themed. All the light bulbs in his flat he changed either pink or green coloured light bulbs, yeah it was a full thing. Oh, he had like a projector that projected like the wicked logo on the balcony.
Speaker 2:He had singers singing wicked and stuff from the west end it was. It was secretly.
Speaker 1:I was actually there and I was one of the guys were you the waiter? No, wash your mouth out um, and he said powder rooms upstairs, help yourself. Now I didn't quite know what that meant.
Speaker 2:Oh no.
Speaker 1:Until I went in and knew what he was talking about.
Speaker 2:I've got gadgets and gifts.
Speaker 1:I went into this room I was like powder room. It's like this massive dresser, light bulb mirror, Every single substance that you could possibly think of was available.
Speaker 2:You know sharpie, yeah, yeah whole like box of it.
Speaker 1:I was like whatever you want, help yourself when I tell you that powder room was busy that night. It was a busy powder room, so people are.
Speaker 2:I'm just gonna go powder my nose yeah, because that's what that means, isn't it well?
Speaker 1:yes, now I know oh, don't act. All brand new, oh, my goodness so I can only really describe it as, like those parties you see in films and TVs, you know the celebrity kind of world in LA parties.
Speaker 2:It was very much that you were like I've made it.
Speaker 1:I was thinking oh my goodness, if me and you make it, we could live in our own penthouse apartment and have my big gay parties.
Speaker 2:I feel like you were at a big gay party?
Speaker 1:No, but we could do our own version. We could be the rival party. I, yeah, Would you ever live with me as a housemate? No, but we're not the same room. Obviously like separate rooms.
Speaker 2:Well, yes, that's not a housemate, that's a partner.
Speaker 1:Um no, Do you not think we'd live well together?
Speaker 2:No, I think you're too messy for me, do you think?
Speaker 1:think, I think I'm quite clean and tidy it depends how big the place was like two floors. You're on the top floor, I'm on the bottom floor. I just made. It well, it's all coming out now, isn't it?
Speaker 2:finally admitting. I mean, not, it wasn't enough that the guy that you said, that you bumped into, that used to sleep with his current boyfriend, was dressed in long socks and a skirt. We all know what team you batted for at that stage.
Speaker 1:No, oh my goodness, the boyfriend was chatting away with me and he was like, oh, would you consider coming back to us tonight and having a freeway?
Speaker 2:I mean, you just take that conversation the way you want to do, don't you? No, I was just like.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for the offer You're like oh yeah let me just grab my cock pump and with, just in case, one for you, one for you, one for you will I live with you. I don't know if we had enough space I'm talking like nice big apartment, penthouse, top floor but if I, if I had the excess cash to have a penthouse, I don't think I'd need to live with anyone. No, that's true. So have I just that completely crushed your dreams?
Speaker 1:yeah, because in my head I was like god, what a life we could have, my big gay party if I didn't ghost you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, party, what a life. Isn't that a song for a musical?
Speaker 1:but yeah, so this party happened and then his neighbor who lived in the flat opposite there was like oh, everyone back to mine, it's like 3am in the morning, and then that became sort of sex party vibes and that's where I ducked out. I was like thanks so much for the lovely evening what was happening? Um, it's just not really my vibe sex parties, is it? And people are in and out of rooms very high at this point and it's just not really my sort of crowd.
Speaker 2:Just everywhere you're looking, people are shagging.
Speaker 1:Not everywhere, but I just find it. You're sort of having conversations with people, but they're not really there listening.
Speaker 2:Oh, they're looking around.
Speaker 1:They're looking around, yeah, and they're just looking for, like the next shag. Everyone's all just shagging each other and I just thought, oh, that's not really me. I'm up for like cocktails, drinks and the laugh, playing some games, whatever. That's my sort of afters party. No, that's fair.
Speaker 2:I think I'm. I know I go to someone's flat. That was a sex party.
Speaker 1:I don't think I could do that it's a bit intense, I think, because it's all there. It's literally like they're going into the bathroom or the bedrooms, but you know, like literally it's right there what's going on it's like the last ten minutes of Brewers on Saturday night yeah, everyone, no one was there really to have like fun convo no one was there to, like you know, spit. Lyrics from wicked I was ready to lip sync for my life again yeah, I'm sure no one was interested.
Speaker 2:Did you wear anything wicked orientated? I wore? Oh, I went in pink. Oh, my goodness, which pink outfit did you wear?
Speaker 1:pink shorts and a glittery pink top and pink glittery trainers. Everyone loved the trainers. They got a good amount of compliments.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because they were high as a kite.
Speaker 1:Wow, the sparkles Dude, those are totally.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's what I imagine high people sound like. Wow, yeah, I bet you looked a snack.
Speaker 1:I did. Thank you so much. Yeah, I know you're saying that in like a mean way but I ate no crumbs.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness, no crumbs.
Speaker 1:Okay, which is an interesting experience. This is why I love living in London, because you get to go to these crazy parties and wild nights out Like. I've done some amazing parties in my life here in London so far, and my life's still going More to come, so you're going to invite me to the next one. Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:You've stumbled on it. Yeah, no, I definitely will.
Speaker 1:I'd love for you to have been there, that one, especially because it's wicked. I know you love wicked.
Speaker 2:I love wicked.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness, flashback. I also bumped into at that party your ex-boss that you don't like and he, he obviously we met like briefly a couple times, yeah, and he was trying to make conversation with me. I was giving him the cold shoulder very much what you were giving to me last week when we recorded the episode um, and he was so high he just clearly did not put face to memory.
Speaker 1:I was like trying to chat and I was just one word answers and like turning my back to him to be like I'm not talking to you. You upset my best friend yeah, gross.
Speaker 2:Anyway, we won't talk about him. It's not fair to slate someone who can't speak for himself, but he's not a very nice person. Um, cool. Well, that sounds like a really fun party. I'll be honest, I'm actually a bit sad that I did miss it, mainly because of the wicked theme. I feel like everyone would have been there, like looking for their next bit of action or blow, whether that be from you know the guy around the corner, or from the powder room upstairs and we would be like, oh my goodness, look at all these bulbs.
Speaker 2:Look, I know, right, you go up those stairs and be Glinda. I'll be down here excuse me, do you have a broomstick? Literally all of that yeah we would have been unpaid entertainment grab the microphone.
Speaker 1:We're hosting tonight, girls, oh my goodness, it was so good.
Speaker 2:Oh, I do you know what I really want to get? I'm trying, desperately trying, to find red carpet tickets for wicked the movie oh, can I be your plus one?
Speaker 1:I?
Speaker 2:have exhausted all my resources, all my contacts from wicked and pr companies. I've tried everything.
Speaker 1:I cannot find who it is that is doing if you are listening to this podcast, can you make two little gay boy dreams come true and get us to go to the wicked party?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and if you can only get one ticket, that's fine, I will have it. Honestly, I would be so, so happy If we got one ticket offered to us.
Speaker 1:Would we rock paper scissors for it?
Speaker 2:No, I would have it. That's not fair. Being honest, it's got to be?
Speaker 1:it's got to be like 50-50 chance. Nope, shall we just rock paper scissors now and see who would win? Alright, but hang on, do you go 1, 2, 3 shoot and whoever wins is going to the wicked premiere with the ticket the one singular ticket that doesn't exist.
Speaker 2:We don't exist. Yeah, yeah, ok, ready, ok fine. 1, 2, 3 shoot.
Speaker 1:Oh, we're both scissoring each other, not the first time Not again. Here we go again One, two, three shoot.
Speaker 2:Yes, mine's the rock. Yeah, I know it's also a fist, which I know you love.
Speaker 1:And you did scissors again. I went for the scissors again because I thought that bitch is not going for scissors again, rock beats scissors darling. So you're going and I'm not, so I'm going with this ticket that we still don't have, I feel good. Well, fine, if you need me, I'll be in the powder room. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Right podcasters, it is time for Queer Diary. Everybody hate that jingle. Now I feel like it's grating.
Speaker 1:I hate it from the get-go. I never signed off on it. I hate you from the get-go I.
Speaker 2:I hated it from the get-go. I never signed off on it.
Speaker 1:I hate you from the get-go. I never signed off on you.
Speaker 2:Well, you stuck with me. We did a whole day's casting and for some reason, you slipped through the net. I was the best you got Anyway this week's Queer Diary is from somebody called Luke who has written in, and I'm going to be honest.
Speaker 1:Wait, aren't we supposed to keep everyone anonymous?
Speaker 2:I didn't say that was his real name. Okay, luke is it, isn't it? Who knows?
Speaker 1:you don't know.
Speaker 2:Literally you don't know, so I'm going to. It's quite a long story so I'm going to paraphrase a little bit, so I apologise right now, luke, if I stumble up here to there.
Speaker 2:But listeners, this is a really good story. So just buckle in. If you're driving, just be careful. If you're at home, stop what you're doing, have a listen and really get in the mood. In fact, let's play some romantic Spanish music. Ooh ole, ole. Okay, it says hi boys. I was just listening to a recent episode from my sun lounger in Coz Nice. At the end of the episode, where you talk about kinks and nearly get in court, and I felt obligated to update you on my escapades from last night.
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 2:God. So all day yesterday I've been chatting to this sexy little Spanish twink on Grindr. Now I'm not going to lie Spanish boys.
Speaker 1:They do it for you, they.
Speaker 2:Spanish twink on Grindr. Now, I'm not going to lie Spanish boys, they do it for you, they do it for me. Yeah. Yeah, it's really weird. Normally in a club I'd go for the blondes.
Speaker 1:Uh-huh.
Speaker 2:But when I'm away, spanish like oh, just slightly darker, mm-hmm. Really gets me going. I need to go on holiday immediately. So sorry, spanish tw Twink on Grindr and we arranged to meet up for a hookup last night. Now I'm sharing a room with my friend, so my room was off limits If we were on holiday and we were sharing a good room to save money and I was like I definitely need to shag this guy, what would you do? Do?
Speaker 1:you know what I'd take one for the team. I'd be like I'm going to pop out for a bit.
Speaker 2:I.
Speaker 1:Got the camera ready, we're going to have some money on OnlyFans Would you go out? Yeah, I would, and I'd just like to text him when you're done.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's really cute Would you do it for me?
Speaker 1:No, I'd be like go to his hotel.
Speaker 2:I'm doing my skincare.
Speaker 1:I need my beauty sleep.
Speaker 2:It's just yeah, take that penis pop. Anyway, I'm sorry I'm disturbing your story. So the room was off limits, but I love the great outdoors. I'm with you and, with our hotel being right on the beach, it seemed the best place to take our little rendezvous. I'm loving the language here. So when he arrived at the hotel, where the vibe is definitely straight middle-class couples I thought it best to take the scenic route to the beach. Anywho, we get down to the beach, keeping an eye out for people walking along the front. We head down towards the shoreline, where it's darker and obviously more private. We grab a sun lounger and are chatting for a bit while snuggled up Cute.
Speaker 1:Nice.
Speaker 2:Little holiday romance.
Speaker 1:Love it. It's very Grease the musical it's very.
Speaker 2:Mamma Mia yeah, I love it. Grease the musical yeah, you know that first scene when they're on the beach. Sure, I think it's more like da, da, da, yeah, yeah, yeah, but anyway, so we grab a sunliger and they're snuggling. That's where we got to. The only light around is the moon on the sea and dot, dot dot.
Speaker 1:This is so romantic.
Speaker 2:I'm actually here for the story I know I told you it's a good one. As we snuggle and chat, things start to get a bit groupie. Things then went from slow and steady to full-on fast pace, like we were so desperate as I'm fucking. Oh, it was really. It changed. We hit fast forward. It changed as I'm making love to him on a sun lounger. We hear voices and I literally hover over him mid shag to wait for people to pass. So I assume they're both facing the same way.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And he must like be hiding him with his body.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what I see in my mind Cute.
Speaker 2:Like an invisibility cloak. This only intensifies the moment. Yeah, I've been there. He then climbs on top and is riding me and things come to a natural, amazing orgasm ending Well, he's put that in the capitals. I feel like he's relived the moment whilst typing this you better work, luke.
Speaker 2:It's only then that I realised I wasn't really prepared for the clean-up. We both needed to walk back through the hotel, so clothes were not an option, and I then realised I had my socks on and would have to sacrifice them in the name of getting clean. All in all, an amazing experience, made even hotter by the thrill of nearly getting caught. Okay, so I've lost my reaction. So what did you have to clean up, is my question.
Speaker 1:Well, the spunk.
Speaker 2:Which would have been inside him.
Speaker 1:Not necessarily. Might have been a come on my face job, I see, but you're going to go in the sea, oh right, could have washed in the sea. So basically he used his socks to clear up and then was like, oh, I can't wear the socks back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, couldn't wear the socks, right? I think this is very you, this story, this is very me. Yeah, this is very I do so. Yeah, obviously I had lots of outdoor escapades and I have had a few risky deliberately risky occasions where, like the thrill is the possibility of getting caught.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like that time on the tube, the hotel elevator.
Speaker 1:Outside Buckingham Palace. Outside Buckingham Palace.
Speaker 2:Christ, yeah, yeah, lots of places and yeah, on the beach, the tube is risky.
Speaker 1:I still can't believe you did that. Yeah, a smile on your face lets me know that you need me.
Speaker 2:There's a truth in your eyes yeah, no, it was, it was really good. And I actually I have spoken to people like like Tinder and stuff, and we've just been chatting like what's the wildest thing you've done? And when I tell people they are like that's really hot. Yeah, some people said, isn't it really dirty? Because but I think they're imagining a very different scenario. It wasn't like romantic. Let's lie on the floor and let me like hold your lower back and you, you know yeah, it's not that this is like it's aggressive fuck on the tube.
Speaker 2:It's please mind the doors. Doors are closed. We get in the tube. It's get your trousers by your ankles. That's what it was. Mind the doors, doors are closed.
Speaker 1:We get in the tube. It's get your trousers by your ankles.
Speaker 2:That's what it was. Mind the gap indeed, yeah. And then the next stop is quickly buckle back up, yeah yeah yeah, but it was really hot, I'm not gonna lie. So yeah, getting caught is a thrill. Have you ever nearly got caught before?
Speaker 1:I have actually been caught before.
Speaker 2:Okay, mom, get out of my room again. I'm pretty sure me and some of the lads have walked in on you halfway through certain escapades. Yeah, that's happened a few times. Yeah, yeah, with a little rosy cheek face. Hello, what are you doing? Just go wait upstairs.
Speaker 1:You're back early yeah, yeah, that's happened a couple times. Um, no, actually on holiday as well, and I met a guy off grinder. This was years ago and, uh, I was on a family holiday so of course could not bring him back to the hotel room. Yeah, so I just said to the family like oh, I'm just gonna go for a little wander by myself, blah, blah, blah. And we by the beach again by the beach, found like a little woodland area, went in. He was in little speedos, pulled them down, was in having a wild time. People walking by didn't realize. So I just picked him up and like threw him off me.
Speaker 1:Oh, and ran no, just like in horror, like pulled up, obviously like my shorts, and we're just sat there like hello because they they clearly saw what was going on what did they say? Well, they kind of gave a look and just carried on walking. Was this guy that was sat on me, basically like rolling down the riverbank?
Speaker 2:was like get off me. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Poor guy. Have you ever? Been caught Because you go in places where you could be caught.
Speaker 2:Yes, actually there was an occasion this week in the park near my house and I met this guy really cute and we were sort of going at it in the trees and the park was closed and some people started walking past. We didn't separate, let's say, but we stopped making noise and movement.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And it was nighttime and they walked past with torches and they shone torches into the bushes.
Speaker 1:And they saw.
Speaker 2:Well, we just stayed very quiet. I don't know if they saw or didn't see, right, but yeah, then we just carried on Wow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you don't know if you have been caught. That's a still question mark. Or are you certain that they probably?
Speaker 2:saw things they didn't expect to see. It depends who you mean, I guess. For me it only matters to me who I've been caught by. If it's someone who I know and I wouldn't want them to catch me, I think my brain honestly would blank it out and I wouldn't remember him.
Speaker 2:I love my brain for that. It does just sort of forget things I want it to. But, like, obviously I've been like cruising in parks and whatnot and there's always people walking past so I really care, but it depends on the location. The hotel lift, I think, was really quite fun.
Speaker 1:Did that not have cameras in?
Speaker 2:No, you should always check for cameras, right, always check for cameras. Rule number one yeah, because we were just in the lift with the doors closed and so if anyone had pressed the lift button on that floor, the door would open straight away, but also they'd press them on any other floor, which then did happen. The lift then starts to move, so then you know you're yeah, but you don't know how long you've got to get ready.
Speaker 1:It's a risk you're really into the risk factor, aren't you? Yeah?
Speaker 2:sometimes, I think, because it obviously raises your heartbeat when you're like nervous and obviously in that situation your heartbeats are already going. Sure, it just kind of complements each other wow I don't know, maybe it's weird who Sure it. Just kind of compliments each other.
Speaker 1:Wow, I don't know, maybe it's weird, who knows? But I'm here for it, you're into it.
Speaker 2:I'm here for it. Have you ever done it on a sun lounger?
Speaker 1:No, I have done it on the beach, but not on a sun lounger.
Speaker 2:I lost my virginity on the beach.
Speaker 1:Did you in the showers like sand in places that I did not know sand could get to?
Speaker 2:so you bottomed for the first time on the beach no, it was actually with a girl well, that's all we have time for on this week's episode of the big gay podcast. If you do have any questions, I'm sure you will please write in go. What is this? Gay, non gay, gay, non-gay. Our Instagrams may look similar, but we're a very different podcast.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was when I was way young, you know 17.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:That was my first ever sexual experience properly. I'm confused as to how you were then finding sound in all sorts of places if you were the, the male and male female sexual situation well, obviously I had, like my shorts down, so still getting in places that I didn't want it to get into I'm talking about my arsehole, okay yeah, but why was anything going in your? Because my shorts were down right, okay, okay.
Speaker 2:I didn't really want the image in my head, but but I am now seeing it.
Speaker 1:Do you like it?
Speaker 2:No, I don't like it, but I can see it.
Speaker 1:What's worse? That or One man, one Jar.
Speaker 2:No One man, One Jar is still way worse. Okay, good, good, oh gosh, yeah, let's not talk about that again.
Speaker 1:Anyway, sun Loungers, sex on the Beach, Plus, you have to remember I've actually seen both.
Speaker 2:So I've seen one man, one jar, and I have seen you with your shorts down. So oh my goodness, yeah, wow, podcasters if you wanted oversharing this week, friends, you've got it anyway. Um so luke luke wink, wink wink wink, great story great story.
Speaker 2:Great story, I mean good for you trying to find somewhere discreet, and good for you for trying to make it romantic to begin with yeah, I, I was into the romantic bit, to be honest yeah, and probably was the music, but I think who knows people walking past, maybe they knew what was happening and they wanted to join in now I think that's a fantasy that you would do you.
Speaker 1:You make me sound like I've got a sex problem Sometimes. I think you might have why.
Speaker 2:Not in a bad way. A problem is normally a bad thing.
Speaker 1:Not a problem, I just very high sex drive.
Speaker 2:I do have a very high sex drive. I feel like when I'm single I have a real high sex drive. But when I'm joked, before I have had some really long term relationships probably longer than yours, in fact, definitely longer than yours and in those situations I what is at the moment when I'm on my own sex drive kind of gets split into like sex drive but also like romance. So I find I get like saying I get a kick from it is too much. But like what I would get from having sex with people when I'm single. I turn that into buying flowers, making dinner, like doing their washing, like taking them out for dinner, holding their hand.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like cuddling with a movie. Yeah, it sometimes scratches the same itch for me. Yeah, but obviously, when I'm single, I don't do as much of that, so my sex drive gets higher.
Speaker 1:That makes sense. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean it's still high in a relationship. I want to have sex quite a lot in a relationship every day my last relationships.
Speaker 1:We've had sex every day, every day, pretty much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely every time. We've seen each other, at least once, maybe twice three times a day.
Speaker 1:I think my most was seven in one day. Yeah, jesus, yeah, I did then take a few days off.
Speaker 2:I was a bit sore by the end of that was anything even coming out after the seventh time yes, go on just a bit of on. Just a little sign that said bang.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 2:Well, on that note of me and my ejaculations, you'll be pleased to hear that's all we've got time for on this week's episode of my Big Game Podcast. If you don't I always say it every week please go over to our Instagram and give us a follow. In fact, all our social medias are at Big Gay Podcast. You can see what we've been up to lately. You can see our videos from Tully's, from Thought Park Fright Night and some other ones for you to go and check out. So, like I said, that's all social medias at Big Gay Podcast.
Speaker 1:And and if you've got a story or a problem that you would like to share with us on the podcast, just like lovely Luke did then slip on in the DMs and get in touch.
Speaker 2:Luke was it.
Speaker 1:Luke, wasn't it? Luke, who knows? We'll never know, maybe that's an anonymous name.
Speaker 2:Who knows, maybe we just plucked that out my sandy bum, your sandy bum, rather.
Speaker 1:But like I said, podcast that's all we've got time for in this week. See you next Wednesday. He gave her yeah, yeah, sandy, sandy Minj, oh Christ, thank you.
